We Suck at Getting Pregnant: The First in a Series of Testimonies on Infertility, Miscarriage, Birth and Adoption
Like many other women in the world, I always dreamed of having a baby and being a mother. I guess I assumed the natural order of life was to marry Prince Charming, get pregnant, have a baby and live happily ever after.
Of course, reality always sets into fairy tales once we hit a certain age and we begin to realize life doesn’t always turn out the way we imagine it to. As for me and my “Type A” personality, the reality of God’s plan not necessarily matching my own but always being better, didn’t fit into my mindset. I had a plan. I was going to achieve my plan.
Man of my dreams? Check.
Fairytale wedding? Check.
Blissful pregnancy? Um…what pregnancy?
Not being able to get pregnant soon after being married was one of many reminders that life has a funny way of teaching us that someone better, bigger and more able has us in the palm of His hand. However, throughout what would end up being seven years of fertility and child-bearing issues, God reminded me time after time of this and I had a very hard time hearing him.
Not long after getting married, Peter and I decided we wanted to have a baby. Like many other “Type A” ladies out there, I had it planned as to when we would conceive (giving it a couple months, of course, because we may not be successful on the first try…) and give birth. My due date would be just towards the end of the spring so I could take off the rest of the school year from my job as a teacher and have my summer holiday to be with my baby.
Fast forward four years later when we still weren’t pregnant and I was questioning my purpose on this Earth. After many failed fertility treatments, we just weren’t getting anywhere. If we weren’t meant to reproduce, what would our lives be like? All I could imagine was being a mother and knowing that I may need to start living for another dream was more than I could bear. I became frustrated, depressed and stressed out. All around me I had one fertile friend after another showing me their ultra sounds and although I knew I couldn’t be upset with their happiness, a piece of me was insanely jealous. Where was our baby???
I have learned, not only from this experience, but from many others as well, that God has a way of not always giving us what we want, but always giving us what we need. Looking back on it now, we NEEDED that time of despair and struggle. I believe that it is what has kept Peter and I together all these years. I am confident that my abilities as a mother (although always are a work in progress) are infinitely better then had I conceived when I decided it was time.
I’m excited about this series on infertility and adoption. Through this series of written testimonies I plan to be very honest about what Peter and I went through, how we made it and what our lives are like now as a result. We have been through fertility, miscarriages and adoption and feel, after being now with my “MumCentre” family for almost a year, it is time to share it with you so that others, who may be experiencing similar difficulties, can feel empowered, hopeful and connected.
Of course, reality always sets into fairy tales once we hit a certain age and we begin to realize life doesn’t always turn out the way we imagine it to. As for me and my “Type A” personality, the reality of God’s plan not necessarily matching my own but always being better, didn’t fit into my mindset. I had a plan. I was going to achieve my plan.
Man of my dreams? Check.
Fairytale wedding? Check.
Blissful pregnancy? Um…what pregnancy?
Not being able to get pregnant soon after being married was one of many reminders that life has a funny way of teaching us that someone better, bigger and more able has us in the palm of His hand. However, throughout what would end up being seven years of fertility and child-bearing issues, God reminded me time after time of this and I had a very hard time hearing him.
Not long after getting married, Peter and I decided we wanted to have a baby. Like many other “Type A” ladies out there, I had it planned as to when we would conceive (giving it a couple months, of course, because we may not be successful on the first try…) and give birth. My due date would be just towards the end of the spring so I could take off the rest of the school year from my job as a teacher and have my summer holiday to be with my baby.
Fast forward four years later when we still weren’t pregnant and I was questioning my purpose on this Earth. After many failed fertility treatments, we just weren’t getting anywhere. If we weren’t meant to reproduce, what would our lives be like? All I could imagine was being a mother and knowing that I may need to start living for another dream was more than I could bear. I became frustrated, depressed and stressed out. All around me I had one fertile friend after another showing me their ultra sounds and although I knew I couldn’t be upset with their happiness, a piece of me was insanely jealous. Where was our baby???
I have learned, not only from this experience, but from many others as well, that God has a way of not always giving us what we want, but always giving us what we need. Looking back on it now, we NEEDED that time of despair and struggle. I believe that it is what has kept Peter and I together all these years. I am confident that my abilities as a mother (although always are a work in progress) are infinitely better then had I conceived when I decided it was time.
I’m excited about this series on infertility and adoption. Through this series of written testimonies I plan to be very honest about what Peter and I went through, how we made it and what our lives are like now as a result. We have been through fertility, miscarriages and adoption and feel, after being now with my “MumCentre” family for almost a year, it is time to share it with you so that others, who may be experiencing similar difficulties, can feel empowered, hopeful and connected.