When Science Ends: The Fifth in a Series on Infertility, Miscarriages and Adoption
It was finally time for our egg retrieval appointment…the very moment when, 24 hours after taking a key injection, I would have my eggs retrieved before they ovulated. Timing was everything because take them out too early, you don’t have viable eggs for which to mate with a sperm. Take them out too early, they ovulate and all is lost.
We were in control. We weren’t going to let anything stand in our way of this retrieval.
Except of course, me.
We even spent the night in a hotel next to the hospital just in case the 20 minute ride in the morning gave way to some awful traffic jam or freak weather storm.
I was set to have my retrieval at 7:00 am as my eggs would ovulate (all 18 of them!) at 9:00 am sharp. I had taken the “ovulation releasing” injection at 9:00 pm the night before and 24 hours later, they would all drop…which meant they would no longer be viable.
Well, we hadn’t come this far to “drop the ball” now (or the egg, as it would be…).
Bright and early Peter and I were in the hospital and the nurses were prepping me for my IV as the egg retrieval process was surgical and required anesthesia. As I was getting prepped, Peter had the dutiful task of going to his special man room to “deposit his sample” so once my eggs were out, they could inject the sperm into them and..viola, make us a baby!
After years and years of infertility procedures and surgeries, getting an IV started was about as routine as brushing my teeth so I sat, ready and excited for that needle to be placed into my arm.
Or not.
As it turned out, the nurse couldn’t seem to get a vein to get the IV started. She poked and prodded me over and over in both arms but not a drop of blood was to be seen. After calling in her supervisor, 3 doctors, the head phlebotomist and finally my specialists, not one person could seem to get a vein. We tried everything…from my feet to my hands. In fact, my veins were so visable in my hands, that my team attempted more than 6 times to get an IV started in my hand. Nothing.
And it was getting late.
Since starting at 7:00 I watched the minute hand seem to fly around the face of the clock in a speed I don’t think I ever experienced before or would again. It was suddently 8:00 and then 8:30…and then…finally… the dreaded hour. 9:00 am. The time I was due to ovulate all 18 of those precious eggs that would then be lost forever.
Looking at Peter next to me with his head in his hands, I felt his devastation and worry. What happens when one ovulates that many eggs at once? Is it dangerous? We were both wondering but asking the question seemed to insinuate we were giving up.
Looking around the room I saw my team of incredible, focused and talented doctors and nurses seem more and more down trodden. I could tell they were out of options and perplexed, frustrated and, well, sad. The tears I saw trickle down one nurse’s face told me all I needed to know. This wasn’t going to happen.
And I was ok. Really, I can’t explain it other then the fact that at that moment, just after 9:00, when my skin looked and felt like swiss cheese, a peace came over me. A peace that made me know I needed to give up all that control. I needed to give it away…and submit to the fact that this event, this journey, this life, was not mine to control. It was bigger than that.
I turned to my specialist, Dr. Daftery, and said, “Stop. Just stop. This isn’t supposed to happen and I am okay. I am really, really ok.”
Peaceful. That is what I felt. I really was okay with the fact that I was not going to be a mom, or at least not now. In fact, I just knew that I was not supposed to be in control of my life and that I had to let go of all that I was desperately trying to hold onto.
“No,” Dr. Daftery emphatically stated. “No. I am not giving up. We are going to do this.”
A man of incredible integrity but small stature, Dr. Guarang Daftery put me in my place with his words of strength and leadership. He was determined.
It was right then…close to 9:30 in the morning, hours after the time they should have been retrieving those eggs, he went straight to that place in my hand they had tried at least 6 times already.
And it worked. I mean, the blood was flowing like a tap had just been turned on.
I truly believe, it was in the moment I truly submitted control to God, that I was given what I really wanted and what was probably God’s plan the whole time. Science may have told me that 24 hours was my limit, but I know my God was there saying, “I hold the power and the control. I can let you all wait as long as I want to…” It was when I gave up, when I gave it all to Him, he showed me who he was.
I need to preface this that although I am now a strong Christian woman, I was not a believer at this point in our lives and actually wouldn’t have given my heart to Jesus for another 2 years. I had no biblical or theological teaching to help me understand or to decide what to do. I just did what I knew I needed to do…hard to explain, but a testimony to the power of God and just what a gift conceiving a baby is.
After our egg retrieval, it would still be days and weeks before we would find out if we were pregnant but it didn’t matter at that point. We all witnessed something unexplainable and powerful and it touched every singled one of us in the room.
My doctor, a man of science, research and facts, sat us down just before we left and said, “Peter and Carrie, I have been doing this a long time and what we experienced today was when science stopped and something else took over.”
Needless to say, the IVF was successful. We were having twins.
We were in control. We weren’t going to let anything stand in our way of this retrieval.
Except of course, me.
We even spent the night in a hotel next to the hospital just in case the 20 minute ride in the morning gave way to some awful traffic jam or freak weather storm.
I was set to have my retrieval at 7:00 am as my eggs would ovulate (all 18 of them!) at 9:00 am sharp. I had taken the “ovulation releasing” injection at 9:00 pm the night before and 24 hours later, they would all drop…which meant they would no longer be viable.
Well, we hadn’t come this far to “drop the ball” now (or the egg, as it would be…).
Bright and early Peter and I were in the hospital and the nurses were prepping me for my IV as the egg retrieval process was surgical and required anesthesia. As I was getting prepped, Peter had the dutiful task of going to his special man room to “deposit his sample” so once my eggs were out, they could inject the sperm into them and..viola, make us a baby!
After years and years of infertility procedures and surgeries, getting an IV started was about as routine as brushing my teeth so I sat, ready and excited for that needle to be placed into my arm.
Or not.
As it turned out, the nurse couldn’t seem to get a vein to get the IV started. She poked and prodded me over and over in both arms but not a drop of blood was to be seen. After calling in her supervisor, 3 doctors, the head phlebotomist and finally my specialists, not one person could seem to get a vein. We tried everything…from my feet to my hands. In fact, my veins were so visable in my hands, that my team attempted more than 6 times to get an IV started in my hand. Nothing.
And it was getting late.
Since starting at 7:00 I watched the minute hand seem to fly around the face of the clock in a speed I don’t think I ever experienced before or would again. It was suddently 8:00 and then 8:30…and then…finally… the dreaded hour. 9:00 am. The time I was due to ovulate all 18 of those precious eggs that would then be lost forever.
Looking at Peter next to me with his head in his hands, I felt his devastation and worry. What happens when one ovulates that many eggs at once? Is it dangerous? We were both wondering but asking the question seemed to insinuate we were giving up.
Looking around the room I saw my team of incredible, focused and talented doctors and nurses seem more and more down trodden. I could tell they were out of options and perplexed, frustrated and, well, sad. The tears I saw trickle down one nurse’s face told me all I needed to know. This wasn’t going to happen.
And I was ok. Really, I can’t explain it other then the fact that at that moment, just after 9:00, when my skin looked and felt like swiss cheese, a peace came over me. A peace that made me know I needed to give up all that control. I needed to give it away…and submit to the fact that this event, this journey, this life, was not mine to control. It was bigger than that.
I turned to my specialist, Dr. Daftery, and said, “Stop. Just stop. This isn’t supposed to happen and I am okay. I am really, really ok.”
Peaceful. That is what I felt. I really was okay with the fact that I was not going to be a mom, or at least not now. In fact, I just knew that I was not supposed to be in control of my life and that I had to let go of all that I was desperately trying to hold onto.
“No,” Dr. Daftery emphatically stated. “No. I am not giving up. We are going to do this.”
A man of incredible integrity but small stature, Dr. Guarang Daftery put me in my place with his words of strength and leadership. He was determined.
It was right then…close to 9:30 in the morning, hours after the time they should have been retrieving those eggs, he went straight to that place in my hand they had tried at least 6 times already.
And it worked. I mean, the blood was flowing like a tap had just been turned on.
I truly believe, it was in the moment I truly submitted control to God, that I was given what I really wanted and what was probably God’s plan the whole time. Science may have told me that 24 hours was my limit, but I know my God was there saying, “I hold the power and the control. I can let you all wait as long as I want to…” It was when I gave up, when I gave it all to Him, he showed me who he was.
I need to preface this that although I am now a strong Christian woman, I was not a believer at this point in our lives and actually wouldn’t have given my heart to Jesus for another 2 years. I had no biblical or theological teaching to help me understand or to decide what to do. I just did what I knew I needed to do…hard to explain, but a testimony to the power of God and just what a gift conceiving a baby is.
After our egg retrieval, it would still be days and weeks before we would find out if we were pregnant but it didn’t matter at that point. We all witnessed something unexplainable and powerful and it touched every singled one of us in the room.
My doctor, a man of science, research and facts, sat us down just before we left and said, “Peter and Carrie, I have been doing this a long time and what we experienced today was when science stopped and something else took over.”
Needless to say, the IVF was successful. We were having twins.