Keeping Control: The Fourth in the Series on Infertility, Miscarriages and Adoption
I must say, sharing these stories of our journey to become parents has been therapeutic, in a way. I have never allowed myself the time and focus to really documenting this adventure and now that I am knee deep in parenting my two little people, it serves as a humble reminder to the place I have come from to be a mother. As school break has approached and my two divas and I are spending a lot more time together, these strolls down memory lane are allowing me the gift of gratitude, which is, in turn, strengthen my patience levels a bit!
So…here we are, 7 inseminations later and still no sign of an embryo to call our own, we were referred to one of the top specialists in the area and made the decision to go “full throttle”….IVF. For some couples, IVF is an easy decision and for others it is their line in the sand. I will say, I think each couple really need to define how far they are willing to go with regards to medical intervention to have a child. For us, we were willing to try IVF and if it didn’t work, we weren’t sure we would try another round.
For anyone who has been through the weeks and weeks of injections, doctors appointments and blood work, you know what we went through. For those of you who don’t, just take a moment of gratitude for being able to conceive in a much more, shall we say, “enjoyable” way.
Anyway, time does seem to heal wounds and as I am in the midst of diva drama with my elementary aged girls, I am happy to tell you that I can’t recall the exact process or intricacies that the craziness of the IVF process afforded us. I do, however, clearly remember the desperation that all this work, cost, time and health risks may very well be for nothing. This may not work. We may not get pregnant still. That, for me, was the hardest part. As much as I hated the physical work that IVF gave us, I despised the fear associated with not being successful. Honestly, we really didn’t have a plan forward if this didn’t work.
The fear of not knowing and wanting to be in control was the hardest part of this entire process. As it turned out, it was that need for control that ended up being the very thing that made all the difference, in the end.
It was finally time for our egg retrieval appointment…the very moment when, 24 hours after taking a key injection, I would have my eggs retrieved before they ovulated. Timing was everything because take them out too early, you don’t have viable eggs for which to mate with a sperm. Take them out too early, they ovulate and all is lost.
We were in control. We weren’t going to let anything stand in our way of this retrieval.
Except of course, me.
So…here we are, 7 inseminations later and still no sign of an embryo to call our own, we were referred to one of the top specialists in the area and made the decision to go “full throttle”….IVF. For some couples, IVF is an easy decision and for others it is their line in the sand. I will say, I think each couple really need to define how far they are willing to go with regards to medical intervention to have a child. For us, we were willing to try IVF and if it didn’t work, we weren’t sure we would try another round.
For anyone who has been through the weeks and weeks of injections, doctors appointments and blood work, you know what we went through. For those of you who don’t, just take a moment of gratitude for being able to conceive in a much more, shall we say, “enjoyable” way.
Anyway, time does seem to heal wounds and as I am in the midst of diva drama with my elementary aged girls, I am happy to tell you that I can’t recall the exact process or intricacies that the craziness of the IVF process afforded us. I do, however, clearly remember the desperation that all this work, cost, time and health risks may very well be for nothing. This may not work. We may not get pregnant still. That, for me, was the hardest part. As much as I hated the physical work that IVF gave us, I despised the fear associated with not being successful. Honestly, we really didn’t have a plan forward if this didn’t work.
The fear of not knowing and wanting to be in control was the hardest part of this entire process. As it turned out, it was that need for control that ended up being the very thing that made all the difference, in the end.
It was finally time for our egg retrieval appointment…the very moment when, 24 hours after taking a key injection, I would have my eggs retrieved before they ovulated. Timing was everything because take them out too early, you don’t have viable eggs for which to mate with a sperm. Take them out too early, they ovulate and all is lost.
We were in control. We weren’t going to let anything stand in our way of this retrieval.
Except of course, me.